I Hate Endings
I hate endings. I know they’re necessary, but I don’t like them. Endings are a close to a chapter in your life, and often times you don’t even know when they’re happening. How many times have you said, “I wish I had known this was going to be the last time I _______.”?
I haven’t figure out yet if it’s better to know an ending is happening or if it’s better to let it pass and then reflect on it.
The End of the College Era
I’ve had several significant endings in my life. The first that I can remember that impacts me, is the day I threw a HUGE graduation party when I was about to finish college. I rented the top floor of a hotel in Champaign, IL and had a formal party.
I knew it was the end of my collegiate career, and it was sad . . . But I was eager to move onto the next part of my life. I was just days from moving to Vegas and I knew that whatever was next, was going to be BIG. Even thought it was a great night with friends, I hate endings.
The End of the Single Life Era
The next is the day I got married. May 28th, 2005. I knew my life would never be the same. I was going to marry the girl of my dreams and start a life with her. Regardless of how it turned out, it was the end of my single life era (for the time being).
It was one of my favorite nights in my life. I was able to celebrate with my friends and family all in one place at one time. It may have not been permanent, but it was still one of the best nights of my life. This photo is me playing now her song I wrote for her with an orchestra. It was awesome. But still, I hate endings.
The End of the Married Life Era
I recently wrote in my last blog, titled The End about the end of my marriage. I won’t post a photo of that, but suffice to say, this wasn’t something I wanted to end. Again, I hate endings.
The End of Hyde
This may seem like a strange thing to mourn the end of, but it’s much more than a nightclub ending for me and I thought I’d share some thoughts on why this ending is important to me.
Everyone has a “Hyde”. It may not be a nightclub. It may be a relationship, a bar, a job or even an object, but I promise you that everyone’s got a “Hyde”.
Endings are important because they mark the “end” (obviously) of a time in your life, but more importantly, they mark the “beginning” of another.
Chapters in Your Life
I’ve referred to points in my life as “chapters” in your life’s story. I use this analogy because it’s one that I can relate most to. You have so many chapters in your life’s story that are written based on your actions and those you surround yourself with. A chapter can be short or a chapter can be long, but whatever length, it’ll define who you were at that point in your life.
I’ve had bad chapters and I’ve had good. I’ve had chapters I’m really proud of and some that I’d like to not revisit. But either way, they’re a permanent record of who I was a that point of time, and I like the idea that there’s some thing holding me accountable to being a good man.
March ’12 – June ’18
This chapter of my life wasn’t the best. I got divorced, lost a lot of people I thought were my friends and even lost a business. It’s not a chapter that I’m necessarily proud of, but it was probably the most important chapter of my life. Notably, it’s the chapter where I became a father, and that chapter is LONG from being finished.
It’s a chapter where I experienced nearly the most pain a man can handle. But also a chapter where I experienced more joy from my daughter than I can explain in a blog. I suppose in the long run, you just have to strive to have a net positive chapter, every chapter.
New Friends
New chapters bring new things . . . like a new set of friends. They bring newfound knowledge about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. This is where you play the game, “If I could go back in time knowing what I know now, my life would be so different”. Since you can’t go backwards, it’s important that you look forward and use the knowledge you’ve learned to be a better person.
I was able to meet some new friends who greatly impacted my life. People who made me a better person. They say you’re the sum of the 5 people you associate with closest, and if that’s true, I’m in really great shape. Who are your 5 closest people?
Hyde
Let’s get to the meat of this blog and why I hate endings. There are many who would question why I would miss a night club so much, and how its closing could cause so much sadness for me. I’ll attempt to explain here.
This particular nightclub was at the Bellagio and I started going here right before I got separated. This club was where I spent some of my most happy nights . . . and some of my most lonely.
You can question my divorce recovery tactics, but this was where I went to find myself, and even sometimes to forget. The people at this club became my friends, and people who I could count on to just listen. Sometimes when you’re hurting, having someone just listen is as therapeutic as someone giving you advice.
I spent so many nights entertaining friends at Hyde. I celebrated birthdays, divorces, weddings, baby births, and parties at this venue. During my most difficult times of turmoil, it was a place of consistency. Many would say it’s “buying” therapy, but that’s no different than paying to see a therapist (although that may be cheaper).
The Letter
Tonight, on my last night there, I brought in cupcakes for the staff in pre-shift, and wrote them a letter that I’d like to share with you. Maybe it’ll explain why I hate endings, and why this place meant so much to me.
I Hate Endings
This wasn’t just a club to me, it was family and it’s why I hate endings. Even though this ending had to come, I still don’t like it.
My Closing
I had to write this post because I think it’s important to try and recognize endings and beginnings. It’s a way to quantitatively look at your life. It’s ok to have good and bad chapters, but it’s not ok to not try and make the best out of each one. Some endings come naturally and some come out of the blue.
We have only one life to live, and it’s our job to live it the best we can. My hope is that this will make you pause a second to think about your chapters and make the future ones the best chapters you can . . . since you can’t go back and change the past ones.
Have a great week everyone! Leave me a message and let me know if there’s something you’d like me to talk about or if you just like this message. I hope this chapter is your best one yet!
Sincerely,
Kailyn’s Dad
If you’d like to connect with me or have a topic you’d like to hear about, shoot me a message or connect with me @KailynsDadBlog on Facebook or Instagram.
