17,897 Days
I suppose you could call this a “Part II” of my blog titled 15,706 Days (https://kailynsdad.com/birthday/). Now it’s 2,191 days later, six years, and I’m back with another birthday installment. This one feels very different from the blog I wrote in 2019, and that’s precisely how it should be. I was in a completely different place back then, and that’s one of the reasons I write these posts. They serve as snapshots of who I was at the time, and the goal is always to move forward. Sure, there have been moments where I’ve taken a step back, but those steps have been about gaining perspective, not losing ground. These reflections on turning 49 feel like another snapshot, another marker along the journey.
Day 17,897. Let’s get into it!
Reflections on Turning 49: Another Trip Around the Sun
I’m currently on a plane on my way home from the Netherlands, and this flight has given me a lot of time to think about the past year and all the years before it. My mind drifts between all the preparations I still have to do before people arrive at my house to celebrate the “Week of Ben,” but it keeps coming back to one thing: getting older.
I think part of the reason people throw birthday parties is to forget they’re getting a year older 😂. Everyone assumes I love my birthday because I throw big parties, but honestly, I don’t love the idea of aging. This isn’t going to be a long blog, but it’s an important one for me. Today’s a milestone, and I want to call it out.
Kailyn asked me not long ago if I’m afraid of dying. That question has stuck with me. I can honestly say I don’t want to die. I want to be here as long as I’m supposed to be. But I’m not risk-averse, and I’m not about to skip opportunities just because someday the ride ends.
Reflections on Turning 49: On Life and Death
There are definitely benefits to getting a year older. I’ve gained another year of knowledge, and I’ve been lucky enough to share another year of life with the people I care about and love.
But that doesn’t change the fact that getting older also comes with the reminder that life is finite. Both things can be true at the same time. I wanted to touch on these two ideas, then move on to a few simple rules I’ve learned to live by.
One of the biggest reflections on turning 49 is realizing that while aging comes with its challenges, it also comes with wisdom, gratitude, and another year of moments with the people I love.
Why Time Feels Faster as We Age
As you get older, someone once explained the math to me, and I’ll share it here. You may have heard this before, but if not, it’s a good insight into why the years feel like they’re flying by.
When you’re 10 years old, 1 year is 10% of your life—a huge portion. But when you’re 50, 1 year is only 2% of your life, so it feels like it passes five times faster. It’s just perspective. The days themselves aren’t moving any quicker or slower, it’s simply that your mind is perceiving them differently.
That’s an important distinction, because it means you’re the one in control of how you manage and spend that perceived time.
These reflections on turning 49 make me more aware of how fast the years feel and how important it is to be intentional with my time.
Life is Permanent
Something I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older is that life is permanent. The choices we make, the time we spend, the people we surround ourselves with all stick. There’s no rewind button, no redo.
There’s no greater proof that life is permanent than when you lose someone you love. I’ve experienced quite a bit of this over the past few years, and I can promise you the past is permanent. The decisions we make about our jobs, our lives, our kids, our friends, our loved ones — they’re all permanent, etched into the records of time.
But there’s some comfort in that. If you can’t change the past, then you can focus on the future. You can stop dwelling on what’s already done and put your energy into becoming a better human tomorrow.
It’s impossible not to have reflections on turning 49 without acknowledging the permanence of life and the impact our choices leave behind.
This isn’t meant to be a “pump you up for tomorrow” blog, we’ll save that for another time. Today’s all about me. It’s my birthday after all. Hahahaha.
A Few Life Rules
As part of my reflections on turning 49, I wanted to share a few simple rules that guide how I live my life today. Kind of like Zombieland, but without the zombies and the killing. I’m not suggesting you follow these exact rules. I think it’s important for everyone to come up with their own. But maybe mine will give you a little inspiration to start a list of your own.
It’s taken me 49 years, a lot of self-reflection, and plenty of failure to figure these out, but here they are.
Don’t Let Anyone Decide Who You’re Supposed to Be
In the past, I used to take the approach that if someone did something to me, I’d change who I was to make sure it didn’t happen again. I think that’s the natural path for a lot of people. But over time I’ve realized that I am who I am, regardless of what people do to me. That’s just input. I can register it, think about it, and decide whether it’s going to change me or not. But ultimately, it’s my choice.
A good example is what happened with my ex-best friend and my ex-wife. People told me, “That’s why you shouldn’t be so trusting of people, Ben. They’ll just hurt you one day.” My response is simple: bad people don’t get to make me less good. If anything, it’s the opposite. I make it a point to not let the people who’ve hurt me change me. They’re part of my story, and maybe even part of why I’ve become better, but that growth was because of me, not because of them.
Don’t Miss an Opportunity for a Photo
Everyone knows how much I love and cherish my photos. Side note: if you haven’t already, go sign up for an iCloud Photos account so you never lose your memories. For me, I’ll never pass up the chance to take a photo and create a memory.
In some strange way, that’s actually how I decide if I want to do something. I’ll ask myself, “Will I get a great photo with my friends, at a cool location, or in a fun situation?” If the answer is yes, I’m all in. It doesn’t hurt that I have nearly an unlimited social battery, but even if this little trick helps guide you a few times, it’s worth it.
You Can’t Take It With You
I’m not saying you should be financially irresponsible, but I am reminding you that if you’re saving for “someday” that may or may not ever come, remember you can’t take it with you.
My mom often gives me money for things. She’s one of the most generous people I’ve ever known, and someone I’ve really modeled my life after (shameless plug for her). I’ll admit, it sometimes catches me off guard. I’m a 49-year-old CEO, should I really be taking money from my retired mom who’s on a fixed income? But once, she told me something that stuck. She said she’s worked hard and saved her entire life, and she wants to see me enjoy the gifts she’s giving me. That’s when it hit me, she’s living this principle.
I’ve been accused of overspending and letting my friends “take advantage” of me. Maybe. Or maybe they just get to enjoy the benefits of being around someone who values their company enough to create experiences with them. Because in the end, I’m more than willing to spend money to create moments that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. That’s something I value deeply, and always will, creating experiences for and with the people I care about.
Say Your Say
This is something I’ve learned the hard way, and I’ve talked about it on my social media a lot over the past few years. When I hear about someone passing and then look at their IG or FB page, I always see people saying the nicest things, sharing great stories, and writing things like, “I wish you felt as loved as you were.” It blows my mind.
Every single day we have the chance to say what we want to say while the people we love are still here. So for me, I say what I want to say. I try not to wait until someone’s gone before I let them know how much they mean to me.
My Reply To Kailyn
Earlier, I mentioned Kailyn asking me if I was afraid to die, but I didn’t share my answer. Here it is.
I’ve lived a full life.
I graduated high school and college. I’ve been in love, more than once. I’ve been married, I’ve been divorced. I’m a dad. I’ve started multiple companies. I’ve surrounded myself with amazing friends. I’m loved by my family. I live a blessed life. If it all ended today, I would consider it a life well lived.
I’ve lived my life at 110%
I’ve lived my life at 110%, fueled by what feels like an endless social battery. I have said yes more than I’ve said no. I’ve filled my days with experiences, people, and adventures that some only dream about. I’ve laughed hard, I’ve celebrated often, and I’ve shown up fully for the people I love. If I’m remembered as anything, I hope it’s as someone who lived wide open, someone who never left joy on the table.
This World is Better with Kailyn
And I truly believe I’ve left this world better than I found it, because of Kailyn. She is my legacy, my lasting imprint, the best part of me walking forward into the world. Every parent hopes their child will carry their love, their lessons, and their spirit into the future, and I see that happening in her every day. Through her kindness, her strength, and her light, I know I’ll live on long after I’m gone.
I’ve Said My Say
And finally, I’ve said my say. I don’t think there’s anyone in my life who doesn’t know how much I care about them. I’m open with my feelings, I share them freely, and I never want people to wonder where they stand with me.
Right now, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve lived a life worth living, and I still have a lot of life left to live. But if you want to know if I’m afraid to die, the answer is no.
Reflections on Turning 49: Here I Come!
Now with all of this talk about dying, I want to turn the attention back to me and my birthday 🙂. As always, thank you for making it all the way to the bottom of this blog. It’s hard to believe, but this is my 43rd blog post, and over the past six and a half years since I started writing, this page has had more than 33,700+ views and 18,100+ visits. That’s honestly pretty humbling.
These reflections on turning 49 have shown me that the answer isn’t about fear, but about gratitude for the full life I’ve lived and the life I’m still living.
I just want to say thank you for following my journey. I hope that in some way these posts have helped — maybe by giving you something that resonates, or by reinforcing something you were already thinking or doing. Whatever the case, I’m grateful you’ve come along for the ride.
My Birthday Wish
For my birthday wish this year, I hope that you are as happy and healthy as you can be, and that you’re living your life at 110% (or whatever your version of that is). Full happiness.
My wish is that you take a moment to pop onto one of my social media pages and leave your favorite story, photo, or memory of us. Reliving those moments in time would be the best present I could ever get.
This is me. 49 isn’t so bad. 🙂
Thanks for reading,
Kailyn’s Dad
If you’d like to connect with me or have a topic you’d like to hear about, shoot me a message or connect with me @KailynsDadBlog on Facebook or Instagram.
