As I get ready for bed, I'm so excited to see my little girl tomorrow, that I can hardly get to sleep (hence why I'm up this late). At the same time, I can't stop thinking about how sad my ex must be at the same time. I'm not sure why that though is even entering my mind, but I can't help but feel empathy for how she must be feeling as she tucks Kailyn into bed tonight.
It’s hard to show empathy towards someone you don’t get along with. Add divorce and child custody to the mix and you have a recipe for MANY emotions . . . many of them not so healthy. But empathy has been important in my journey. I just want to talk about that briefly.
Once A Week
I decided that I was going to only write one blog a week, but I can’t fall asleep because my mind is racing, so I thought I’d type of some thoughts before I went to bed.
Sorry if it seems like I’m churning out these blogs like a senior during finals week. I actually have my blog for Monday almost completed. But I had to get these thoughts down before I went to bed.
I want to admit to you all that I don’t want to feel this way. Most people would be happy to have their son/daughter back and that would be it. But I know there’s sadness on the other side of my happiness. I wish it weren’t that way, but when it comes to custody, I think it’s the only way.
There’s no way for me to have Kailyn and be happy, while my ex misses her . . . and vice versa.
This isn’t to say that I’m somehow emotionally more mature than my ex . . . because I’m sure that could be debated. But when I’m thinking about how I’m going to act during this hand off, it’s helpful to show empathy.
I think this is good for me in a few ways.
- It allows me to see it from her side.
- It allows me to act in a way that respects the situation.
- It helps me keep a civil atmosphere for Kailyn.
While thinking about the opposite emotions I have from my ex on a night night light tonight, it really emphasizes the fact that there are two sides (if not more) to life’s situations. Sometimes there are more.
If I can show empathy towards my ex, then maybe I can understand why she acts like she acts sometimes. After all, I do believe she’s trying to be the best mother she can be, as misguided as some of her moves have been. She too, wants Kailyn to have a happy life and a happy home.
I Don’t Know
I don’t know what the actual point of this blog is, except to say that I love Kailyn so much and one of the most painful parts of divorce is the division it causes. This division often equals sadness. And understanding where this sadness comes from has helped me cope with difficult situations.
I read an article about happiness. It says that “The height of personal happiness can only be measured by the depth of personal sadness.” This I can attest to.
I also wrote a blog about The Custody Hand Off that you might enjoy. It’s the other side of tomorrow for me . . . the hand-off exchange.
I’m excited to pick up Kailyn tomorrow. The BIG hug when she gets off the plane makes all the sadness of missing her go away. It’s the thing I’ve been thinking about for 11 nights without her. But my happiness in this scenario, comes at a heavy price to others, and for that I’m sad.
I’m not sure how I’m feeling tonight, but I’ll go to bed happy to see Kailyn tomorrow and will say a little prayer for my ex and her family. I know tomorrow’s not going to be a fun day for them.
Thanks as always for taking a read and listening (or reading) my thoughts. Being able to share my experiences and inner workings of my mind has been therapeutic. I hope this blog finds you all well!
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